Wednesday, November 19, 2008

How Am I Doing?

My friends:

Everyone is so good to me; usually asking, "How are you doing?" And usually I say, "Pretty good." But I have to say that lately, I've been struggling a bit. It started 3 or 4 weeks ago, I think.

It seems that lately I've been thinking more about life with Jane before and after, in some different ways. When I think of life with Jane before, I think about the good times we had together with each other and with the kids and family. I get a lump in my throat when I think of those times, and miss them.

Other times, when I think of life after Jane I think of all the times that we'll never share, all the things she's missing . . . In my previous blog entry, you may have read that I went to the drag races in L.A. I saw some famous racers there that Jane knew (from my watching NHRA on TV). I was with my brother, Bob, but when I saw John Force I immediately thought, "Wait till Jane finds out who I saw here . . . oh, yeah, that's right . . . "

The first few months following Jane's death (when I think back on them) I must have been more numb than anything. The six-month anniversary of her passing is coming up on December 3rd, and it still seems hard to believe when I think about her being gone.

I'm not really lonely per se, but I do miss her terribly. This morning I read in the Gazette Times online that I guy I worked with at HP lost his wife (to cancer I think) last weekend. She was also 53 years old (like Jane). It made me very sad for him.

Life isn't the same without my Janey.

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Blogger Dee said...

Gosh - almost six months ago. Hard to believe.

I think you're going through the normal grieving process, Doug. Being numb at first and then missing your life with her and trying to understand how she might feel because she's not witnessing your family's life today seems normal.

My acupuncturist (and Chinese medicine) in general might say that it's good to be feeling those feelings. Acknowledge them and allow them to be. Don't hide and suppress them.

I also believe that she is still around in some form.

Hang in there, Doug. And, welcome back to blogging!

November 20, 2008 at 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug:
You are going through normal grieving, so just go easy on yourself. I feel you are really doing well. Jane would be happy to know that you are carrying on your life because she loved you, and she would want you to. The time we have with loved ones are gifts, and we must cherish them always. Love and Prayers, Regina

November 22, 2008 at 3:42 PM  

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