Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Are You Mad at Me?

Just before getting her into the living room to watch American Idol tonight, Jane asked me, "Are you mad at me?" It nearly broke my heart. "Why would I be mad at you, honey?" I asked. "I don't know, I just thought you were."

She had quite a bit of pain late this morning, and I think in the process of getting it under control, she may have had some interesting dreams. Jane is so weak now that she is unable to stand up, remain standing, or walk without my assistance.

We never were very good dance partners, but that's all changed in the past few weeks. I now actually lead, and she actually follows! We watched American Idol tonight, and she remained alert through the entire show. At the end she asked, "Who's going to win?" "Cook, I hope" was my reply, but her sister Terry said, "Probably Archuleta." We'll find out tomorrow night.

Jane and I "danced" our way back to her chair for the night, and got her settled-in. She doesn't talk very much now; only when it's necessary, or important to her, in order to conserve her energy. It's difficult to really imagine how much strength it takes just to smile, say a few words, and especially to stand and walk 15 feet.

I grow choked up inside when I look at and touch this once energetic, full of life woman. I truly love taking care of her, and feel privileged to have this time with her, no matter how difficult.

We gave thanks for another day, read Psalm 23, and said "good night."

On my way out the door, Jane whispered, "I Love You."

"I love you too." and kissed her forehead.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

American Idol all the way - everyday life and the end of life are juxtaposed in such a jarring yet comforting way.

Thanks for taking such good care of Jane.

Karen B.

May 21, 2008 at 9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doug,
You are such an AMAZING husband to Jane and father to the kids. Thanks for letting us in our this painful journey. Its hard to imagine Jane that weak and sick. She is blessed to have you there 24/7. I'm glad she can enjoy American Idol. (Stacey says "go David Cook). 1 Samuel says "and the LORD gave David strength" and I pray he continues to give you and the kids strength.
Debbi W.

May 21, 2008 at 9:34 AM  

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