Sunday, June 08, 2008

Rough Seas

Isn't this supposed to be getting better? I feel like a ship being tossed about on a mad sea, no land in sight, not even the horizon of the sea itself. Nothing but wave after wave of turbulent, foaming, crashing, power.

The last couple of days have been the most difficult yet. Conversations with those who have taken the journey ahead of me have helped tremendously, but this is a journey that each of us must ultimately go through on our own. I don't mean that friends don't help, they do, and at times I feel that the Lord is near, and shares my pain; sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I feel as though I want to crawl into my bed, curl up and sleep forever. But my practical side usually wins, and I get up, get doing the things I need to do, and put one foot in front of the other. To steal a line from the movie "The Gladiator", Russell Crowe's armor-bearer said, "Some of the time I do what I want to do, the rest of the time I do what I have to."

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug:
This is a hard time. Please have grief counseling with Hospice. You and the children can go together. It really helps. Just allow the grief, cry, and keep the faith. Hospice will follow you for 13 months. You have a strong family, and you all will get through this. Also, the love that you and Jane had, and you still have is so beautiful, it is a gift. Just remember the beauty. Love, and Prayers, Regina

June 9, 2008 at 7:37 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

Hi Doug,
I think what you're going through is a normal part of the grieving process. I know that fact won't make it any easier. But I think you need to let the grief out and not fight it. It's okay to say that you're still having a tough time - the people around you will understand. This is a process that may take several months.

Something that is really helping me at the moment is coloring mandalas. I know that it sounds kinda strange, but it's bringing me this sense of calm and peace amidst the turmoil I'm feeling now with starting radiation. There's a lady in town (Maureen Frank) who has these mandala coloring books. Her shop is Maiah Creations ( and she has this Mandala of the Month activity. It's helping me process my emotions and while coloring, I have a chance to think, reflect, and get a sense of inner peace. I'm offering it to you as a suggestion . . . and if it's not coloring (because I know that's a "girlie" kind of thing to do), then maybe some other creative outlet for your hands, like building something or painting or something will help. Take care.

June 9, 2008 at 9:00 AM  

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