Saturday, April 26, 2008

Some Suggestions About Etiquette

Blessings to our friends! I will be trying to update my blog on a more regular basis (every other day or so). As I mentioned in my previous post, the boulder is rolling, and it's rolling rapidly.

Jane and I had a frank conversation with the Hospice nurse and the oncologist on Wednesday, and both agree that Jane may only have 3-4 weeks left. The hospice nurse told Jane, "It's up to you to prove us wrong." We laughed.

Some of you may ask as we did, why? One explanation for the seemingly sudden change is that Jane is not tolerating any food intake at all anymore; about the only thing she can keep down now is ice chips/water. This had been happening over the past month or more, but has really come to a head in the last 2 weeks.

We asked about TPN (Total parenteral nutrition) which is essentially IV food, and the oncologist is concerned about two factors: one is fluid overload, which could be detrimental to Jane's current condition, and the other, harsh as it may sound, is needless prolonging of suffering. At this point, Jane is in little to no pain thanks to medication (The role of the hospice nurse it to keep it that way), and is in good spirits.

My son Brent and his family are coming sooner than originally planned. We were able to get an emergency exception to the non-transferable tickets purchased for the 16th of May, and they will now be arriving on April 29th. This change was also a result of the accelerated sense of urgency.

Jane and I have developed the following "etiquette" list for interactions with our family in the next few weeks, and trust that each of you will understand, and be respectful of these wishes.

  1. Please, no drop-in visitors. We will be having a rather full house with family coming from various parts of the country, and it can get overwhelming.
  2. If you would like to visit, please call in advance and we will let you know if Jane is up for it.
  3. NOTE: One of the best types of visits, and something Jane thoroughly enjoys, is receiving little cards with a brief personal note.
  4. Jane has requested that people not ask her how me or the kids are doing. It's difficult for either of us to answer that question. Generally speaking, they (and me) are doing as well as can be expected.
  5. Finally, although we appreciate the intent behind nutritional (and even survival) suggestions, Jane feels confident that we are doing, and have done, everything we can.

We continue to be amazed daily by the unending outpouring of love and support from everyone, and we hope that will continue. This is true evidence of the Love of God that dwells in each of you.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're keeping you and the kids in our prayers, Doug. Tears are a wonderful way to release the pressure that is building up inside you, rejoice in the fact that you love and feel deeply. You're a strong man and Jane is lucky to have a soul mate like you! Hang in there and keep leaning on God.

Love and peace to you,
Cindy and Scott Killip

April 26, 2008 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug:
I will be sending cards by regular mail and not e-mail anymore. You are not along in this, as you may know, you are surrounded by people who love and respect you, Jane, and your family. I am glad Jane is being made comfortable. We are here for you. Love and Prayers, Regina

April 27, 2008 at 9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Doug for helping us know how we can love you guys best!! I for one appreciate it greatly!! Not knowing what to say or do during this time is tough and we need help!! I will mail a card to Jane. Just know that there are a whole bunch of us that really love you guys and are right an appropriate distance : )

April 27, 2008 at 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your etiquette list, Doug. It is specific and helpful. We're thinking about you all the time.

Karen B.

April 27, 2008 at 6:48 PM  

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