Saturday, May 24, 2008

Feeling Thin, Sort of Stretched . . .

. . . like butter that has been scraped over too much bread." --Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring.

That is how I would describe Jane the past couple of days. Especially today. She awoke in a great deal of pain, and was reluctant to have me help treat it as prescribed by the doctor and hospice nurses. We had a quick surprise visit today from Dr. Judith Csanky, and she encouraged Jane to keep up on her pain control.

Jane was feeling quite low before the visit, and was telling me that she has had enough; enough pain, enough lingering, enough of people watching her and taking care of her. As you might tell, she was pretty distraught. After Dr. Csanky's visit, we were able to get her pain under control, and back comfortable again.

We also ordered a hospital bed from the Hospice, which arrived and was setup this afternoon. Jane is resting comfortably in it now; it will be much easier to care for her when her condition gets to the point where she is unable to move herself.

The days are growing more difficult now, watching and waiting. I just ache inside for her; I don't want her to go, but I don't want her to suffer. She asked, "Are you keeping me alive for yourselves?" I told her that we have released her, that she can go when she is ready, and not to wait for any of us. She nodded the affirmative. She does not know when it will be, but feels it will be fairly soon.

Jane has fought a long, hard, courageous battle; especially in the past 5 weeks, and she is ready to surrender, and go home. It's now in the Lord's hand. Please pray for peace, and comfort for her over these next few days.

Prepare the way,
Prepare the way,
Prepare the way,
for the coming of the Lord.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug:
It is a hard thing to say good-bye, but after all is said and done, you will be so glad that you did. It is a very unselfish expression of love. I said good-bye to my Father, and I am so glad that I did and was able to do it. Try to impress on Jane that all the things being done for her are not to keep her here, but to make her time here more comfortable so that she can enjoy the love around her. We who read your blog everyday are with you in our love and prayers for you all. That is why I always sign, Love and Prayers, Regina

May 25, 2008 at 7:56 AM  

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