How Am I Doing?
Everyone is so good to me; usually asking, "How are you doing?" And usually I say, "Pretty good." But I have to say that lately, I've been struggling a bit. It started 3 or 4 weeks ago, I think.
It seems that lately I've been thinking more about life with Jane before and after, in some different ways. When I think of life with Jane before, I think about the good times we had together with each other and with the kids and family. I get a lump in my throat when I think of those times, and miss them.
Other times, when I think of life after Jane I think of all the times that we'll never share, all the things she's missing . . . In my previous blog entry, you may have read that I went to the drag races in L.A. I saw some famous racers there that Jane knew (from my watching NHRA on TV). I was with my brother, Bob, but when I saw John Force I immediately thought, "Wait till Jane finds out who I saw here . . . oh, yeah, that's right . . . "
The first few months following Jane's death (when I think back on them) I must have been more numb than anything. The six-month anniversary of her passing is coming up on December 3rd, and it still seems hard to believe when I think about her being gone.
I'm not really lonely per se, but I do miss her terribly. This morning I read in the Gazette Times online that I guy I worked with at HP lost his wife (to cancer I think) last weekend. She was also 53 years old (like Jane). It made me very sad for him.
Life isn't the same without my Janey.
Labels: Janey, missing her