Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This Can't Be Happening

I went to our bathroom tonight, and looked at myself in the mirror. "This can't be happening; it can't be real," I thought. But the telltale lines around my eyes, and the darkening circles from intermittent sleep patterns told me otherwise.

It must be getting old for some of you to be reading the same thing over and over again. One day Jane is up, the next she is down. I sometimes feel like the little boy who cried "wolf." We watched a movie tonight while Jane slept. She needs to be turned every 2 hours or so, to prevent bed sores because she's not moving much on her own anymore.

It is so difficult to see her like this. I ache inside; I cannot describe how this feels. We turned her on her other side a few minutes ago, and she barely stirred. Many of her responses to us now are instinctual.

When we put a straw to her lips, she purses them, and tries to suck on it like a little child. When I touch her hand, she grasps mine with a strength that is surprising, and sometimes she won't let go; as if she's holding on for dear life (maybe she is).

I am so sorry this post is so dismal tonight; it's dark, lonely, and fearful. I am praying for the break of day, another morning when "all things are new." Please Lord, help me make it through this night.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug:
This all takes such a toll on anyone who is going through what you are. It is not something that can be side stepped. I really feel and pray for God to give you strength. A stupid suggestion on my part. Jane is probably to weak to suck on a straw, so try to spoon feed her a little at a time on the smallest spoon you have. She still may not take anything, so just use mouth and lip care for her. Love and Prayers, Regina

May 28, 2008 at 7:22 AM  
Anonymous Hartfelds said...

Doug & Jane, we can only imagine the pain you have in seeing the one you love most going through this painful time. we are praying that the Lord gives you peace and comfort and for Jane to not be in any discomfort. We love you and are praying daily for you, Love Jacob and Stacey

May 28, 2008 at 8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A picture truly is worth a thousand words, Doug, and the somber weariness in your face tells us so much. May you have grace for the day - and the nights. It's amazing how Jane's personality continues to come through, even as weak as she is.

Karen B.

May 28, 2008 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Doug
I am sorry this is so hard, & that the exhaustion makes it so much harder. I, too, pray for Jane & for you & family. Surely God is there as He promises, at night, when it is tough. He is there with Jane every minute, too. I pray you can get snatches of rest & peace. I hope you can feel the love & concern from your friends & family & that it will help you get through this. Just pick up the phone if you need a thing Deb S

May 28, 2008 at 8:08 PM  

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