Our Christmas Tree

I went to the Boy Scout tree lot where we have purchased our Christmas trees for the last 16 years. As I walked through the lot, looking at the trees, my eyes began to well-up with tears. I thought that I might completely break down right there.

I found a somewhat misshapen tree; it just seemed to fit right now . . . I made it to the car and sat there for a few minutes, tears rolling down my cheeks, thinking of Jane, my kids, and me. How will Christmas be this year without her?

My good friends Duane and Melinda drove me there to pick it up, since I don't have a truck anymore. I thank my God for good friends.

Thank you to everyone who has sent words of encouragement these past few days. May your Christmas be filled with hope, joy, and peace as you celebrate the gift of life!

Home Again

We arrived at Jane's dad's house this afternoon. I was anticipating this with no small amount of anxiety. But first, a short story . . .

My family on my dad's side lives in Wisconsin (mostly) and Minnesota. My grandparents (dad's folks) lived in the same home for the first 40+ years of my life (all my life). I took Jane back there for a visit about 15 years ago when Amy was just an infant.

I remember driving to their town of Footville, Wisconsin (pop: 605), through the country back roads from Janesville (coincidence, eh?). Anyway, as we approached their home, coming down that same old familiar street that had not changed in 40+ years, tears began to run down my face.

(photo is not really their home)

You see, as a kid growing up, my immediate family moved about every 3-4 years, cause dad worked for IBM (aka: I've Been Moved). So my grandparent's house, and my cousin's farm in northern Wisconsin are two places that have never changed. Places that I can still return to, and feel as if I were a little boy again.

Well, today that same feeling came over me when we pulled up in front of Jane's dad's home. In the 22+ years that Jane and I have been together, her dad's home has been the one constant in our lives, in terms of an earthly home.

So, as I pulled up and parked under the Sweet Gum tree, and walked into "grandpa's" home; and saw him sitting in his same-old chair, tears rolled down my cheeks again. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was that I did not bring Jane back to him this time. I felt as if I had failed; not taken good enough care of her to bring her back to him. I know that it's not true; but that's how I felt.

We sat and just looked at each other for a few moments, "That's too bad about Jane" he said. "Yeah, it is." I replied.